Morbid Economics- how much should you give a co-worker when their relative dies? - Greg

Know what fascinates me? How people act towards each other when death occurs- what they talk about, and how people broach such an awkward and personal topic.

Mourners after Kim Jong-Il's death

Know what fascinates me even MORE? (Today, at least) At my work, whenever someone in my unit- which has 77 people- has a relative die, someone from our module will always pass around a card for everyone to sign and start a collection for the bereaved.



The card part doesn't fascinate me- collecting and giving money to give as a gift does. I can't think of a LESS spiritual token or memento than that. It happened just today at work, so I decided to dig deeper: what are my strategies for determining how much I give? Does this "system" change? Why or why not? What's it based on?

coffin

Proximity- closeness and distance


OK- I'm gonna get real here. Was I close to the person or not? In today's case, the woman whose grandmother died, Rhonda S., is a colleague of mine. She's a nice and personable woman, 47 years-old, married with teenage children. Rhonda and I exchange hellos, sometimes chat about Holiday plans...and have zero connection outside of work.




Doing the math, her grandmother was probably in her mid-to-late 80s. Rhonda never mentioned any chronic conditions, so I'm guessing her GM's health deterioration was probably age-linked...




What's appropriate?


According to my Orthodox friend, Stephanie, the expectation for Jewish bereavement at shiva is seriousness, compassion, and bringing food. Across the cultural spectrum, different religions call for different offerings.




Anything from silence to jokes, flowers to garlands, simplicity to garish celebrations and offerings, these all are expressions of sympathy. Of course, some demonstrations of goodwill are better than others... Note: a Keurig coffee maker is NEVER a good condolence gift.

Russian gangster tombstone

...but nowhere in the rulebook does it say money should be a gift! However, at Social Security, in the building I work in at least, the custom is for people to give each other money to show empathy!




When my dad died from cancer in 2009, I got a very unexpected $91 when I came back to work three days later. Of course I kept it! It wouldn't be at all helpful in paying for his cremation, defray the added cost to my mother when her spouse died, etc.. but I suppose this bought me a measure of gratitude and connection with my co-workers, and a dinner for four at Applebee's where we didn't have to skimp on appetizers.

always a photo-op

What's everyone else giving?


What's the median "give" in a typical SSA bereavement? I don't mean to sound cynical, but I've literally been giving grief money for eleven years in memoriam to strangers who happen to be related to colleagues. I've learned to quickly get a sense of the average donation, the low contributions and the high ones, and then land somewhere in the middle.


Behavioral economist Dan Ariely has strong ideas about what the right gifts are, as does Jordan Weissman from the Atlantic. But we're dealing with the here and now at SSA: what dollar figure can you put on sympathy and friendship in one fell swoop, but without breaking the bank?

Michael from Price is Right 

How much am I going to give?


I've weighed my connection to the bereaved: we're not close, it's her aged grandmother, and the death was from natural causes. If it was, say, her son or husband, the figure goes up because the closeness factor/sympathy goes up. But say it was her 2nd cousin? That's not even in my money/sympathy approximation.

"an early death pays top dollar!"

The cheapskates give $1-$2, the outrageous donations are closer to $20. There are a lot of cheapskates, but not many big donors- maybe 1 or 2 at most. Most give $3-4 when they chip in to this sort of thing...and this sort of thing happens A LOT in my unit. 


I had $23 in my wallet today, so I have to keep the number respectable, yet not low. Decent in the eyes of the contribution collector, but not something I myself can't afford. Big enough to be a good donation, but not so big that it becomes a silent auction of grief. I'm writing an anonymous check to the bereaved, in effect, but my peers get to see "just how compassionate" I am...or am not.

stock photo of compassion

I never gave cash to people in my life for their dead relatives until working at SSA. Now, I use game-show guessing principles and a studied environmental scan before jumping in at all. It's sick, it's exacting, and it's precisely the kind of math people don't like talking about.


I gave $5, then offered to chip in another $1! Jeannette, the money collector, was busy making change for my $20 and didn't take the other buck I offered! I guess I wanted to look better than I originally planned?




What amount would YOU give?


- Greg

Build Cannonball Deltoids! (...or slightly improve the ones you already have)- Greg Durham

No one has ever had shoulders that were too wide. They frame a person's torso, create physique contrasts with the lower body, and are functionally the most important muscle group in a person's top-half. Anytime you hold a weight or object, you're using your shoulders. They're essential for posture and for maintaining balance between the front and back of the human body. In short...they're very very very important!

When I was a child, I has three fantasies of physical prowess:

1. That I could beat my father at arm-wrestling.

2. That I would grow up to be a professional wrestler. My name would be the Judge...and I would play a heel who would sentence people to butt-kickings in the ring. My finishing move would be "The Scales of Justice." But that's for another blog...

Ivan and Nikita Koloff, c. 1985

3. That I would have a neck wider than my head.

Hey- these may sound strange, but they were MY fantasies! I never accomplished these feats, but along the way, I did play a lot of sports and grew into a pair of very solid, functional shoulders. I did this over the years mainly through one exercise- the Military Press. And this is exactly the topic today- building better shoulders through this most useful exercise.

I. Ditch the baggage of preconceived ideas.

Ken Patera pressing 463 lbs.

Military presses sometimes get the rap for being "old school" or outdated.

Physical culture poster from the 1910s

Well, humans have had to lift things overhead since forever, so how about a reframe? Instead of looking at the military press as a relic from a time where chubby men wore leopard spot loincloths while sporting handlebar mustaches, consider that they have longevity as an exercise BECAUSE they work.


II. Setting up the movement

The bar's path and where the body is 

There's the very crucial idea about BALANCE in the military press.

Ideally, you'll perform the movement with an Olympic barbell, the seven-foot long instrument found in any commercial gym.

It's the most effective implement you can use to do the motion. It weighs 45lbs. when empty, and you load it accordingly when you need to increase the weight of the movement.

Dumbbells and resistance bands tend to diminish and distort the overhead pressing motion....so stick with the barbell.

You'll notice the illustrations and photos show the exerciser STANDING. Yes, indeed! Standing motions force the person working out to stabilize the movement with their body. A seat, bench, or machine lessens the "auto-balancing" effect. So...do the movement standing. It's better that way

I recommend using an empty bar initially. If you work on the mechanics with a light weight, the transition to using heavier weights with GOOD FORM later.

You should unrack the bar from a squat rack, back up a couple feet, and prepare to start.


III. Start lifting

YouTube primer on Military Pressing

This is one of the best videos I've seen on doing the movement well. The Cross Fit athlete doing these has terrific  cadence, rhythm, mechanics, and body positioning. Here are some suggestions, in addition to the ones on the video:

1. After you unrack the barbell, tighten your glutes (butt) and latissimus Dorsi (upper back muscles) before starting your set
2. Position your wrists slightly in front of your elbows when holding the weight. Keep this wrist/shoulder positioning consistent
3. As you press the weight overhead, exhale AFTER the weight has moved beyond the top of the head. This synchronizes the right amount of tension, breath, and strength together.
4. You DON'T have to breathe on every repetition. I'm not recommending a Valsalva Maneuver here, but there IS something to the practice of breathing forcibly when you need it.
5. Finish strong! This means just to lock out your repetitions completely, each and every one.

IV. Don't do this!   

David Rigert, USSR, 1972

V. Sets and Repetitions

This is a contentious topic for anyone involved in exercise. While I won't get into deeply technical arguments for or against any existing system for strength training, I'll say this: 2-4 sets of 8-15 repetitions works for almost everyone.

Below is a rubric for training ranges, based on what the exerciser is looking for. Remember, though- EVERYTHING works in exercise, just not forever. Everyone has their own geometry, their own likes and dislikes, and "best fits" with exercise. Find out what works for you!

Conclusion

Have fun. Push yourself hard. Listen to your body- it'll tell you when you've gone too far. Train smart. And do military presses. They are enjoying a Renaissance right now because of CrossFit's popularity, but they're the objectively best, most effective shoulder movement that there has ever been. They work well at building well-rounded shoulders and they stabilize the core.

They're the perfect movement for the person chasing physique goals, someone seeking personal records for maximum amount lifted, or just the person looking to get in better general shape. In other words, they work just as well for athletes as they do "dabblers."

I gotta say...there's something kind of heady about doing an overhead press with a good chunk of weight. It's almost a spiritual feeling. Like lifting the Rock of Gibraltar or the Stone of Sisyphus. It's a one of a kind feeling that has to experienced to really feel it.

Enjoy!

- Greg

R.I.P. Mr. Lawrence- the Death of a Rock 'N Roll Polymath

18th century food philosopher Jean Anthelme Brillat-Severin, famously enjoined epicures, "When gourmandise becomes gluttony, voracity or debauchery, it loses its name and attributes, falling into the hands of the moralist who will treat it by advice, or the medical man who will treat it by remedy."


David Bowie, rock music's grand iman of glitz mixed with an indefinable serene austerity, passed January 10th, 2016. He canalized the excesses of his epoch with a disciplined talent for reinvention and motion. Bowie WAS excess, debauchery, elegance, and art. Unapologetic and forever on display, Bowie's cultural iconography traipsed comingled worlds in entertainment. He was a Levi-Strauss Structuralist for the 70s and 80s, tapping into the archetypes of identity and being, all within a world gone mad...




Few singers reached as many fans for as long, as intensely, or as fungibly as David Bowie did in all his incarnations, God rest his soul. An inveterate persona, he drove music, style, theatre, and consciousness in wonderful, absurd and contemplative directions. But what fewer appreciate are his considerable contributions to film.

Labyrinth, 1988

Bowie's additions to the cultural lexicon are numerous and cult-like. He cut a figure unlike Mick Jagger, Frank Sinatra, or Roger Daltry. Whereas their additions to film (Performance, Man with the Golden Arm, Lisztomania) were temporary salutes to the tawdry phantasms of gangster life in Britain, drug addiction, and lusty-biopic-about-bête-noir-composers-from-Hungary, respectively, one had the feeling that these were ego pieces, handpicked for cultural fetish value.


Not so with Bowie.

playing Warhol in Basquiat, 1996

His roles were notations in post-modernism. Bowie's character studies involved isolated eclectics, at odds with the worlds around them, played with an elan and direction that he channels. They were often quasi-mystical figures (Labryinth, Warhol, Twin Peaks franchise) imbued with preternatural abilities that clarified the protagonist of the film's mission. There was an onscreen evolution going on in his films, but the ones evolving were the other characters. Bowie was the enigma-cum-Rosetta Stone.

Fire Walk With Me, 1992


Bowie's characters were "wild cards," and added weight, complexity, and depth to the movie's narratives. IMDb lists Bowie with 40 acting roles, FOUR HUNDRED AND FIFTY-FOUR SOUNTRACK credits, and 3 production credits. He acted in jarring, often unnerving films that poked into the social and universal conscience: The Man Who Fell to Earth,  Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence, The Hunger, Absolute Beginners, The Last Temptation of Christ, Zoolander...




What Bowie brought was a familiar face that we just didn't know much about. If we acted like we understood Bowie's instincts, well, we were just kidding ourselves. We can smell talent when we see it, and we get synesthesia when we have a prolonged dose of David Bowie.




He was a talent that comes by once, maybe twice in a generation. He was a helluva singer, a curious actor, and a throwback to a time when the most talented minds tackled the problems of their era. Think Georg Lichtenburg in the 1700s or William James in the 19th and 20th century in America. These were men who did it all, and did it well. Bowie was one of them.