Striving for Thriving

Before attempting to write this blog post I spent more time than I would like to admit on google. I was scanning through pages of searches that now seem ridiculous such as:

• “cool bloggers”

• “how to sound human blogging”

• “writing stream of consciousness”

Why was starting this thing so hard? I am a human with a consciousness that is constantly streaming. This should be natural and organic, right?

Nope. Not at all.

 After 45 minutes I had not accomplished my goal of sounding cool, or having any interesting or insightful life event to write about that would express me succinctly, but I had found several new recipes and makeup tips from blogs I had stumbled across, so it wasn’t a complete loss. The only thing that feels organic right now is to embrace the struggle and hope that there are others out there who can commiserate with these feelings.

What confuses me in this struggle is that talking and communicating has always come naturally to me. Talking a lot has always come very naturally to me. Every parent teacher conference included the sentiments “She’s a wonderful student, but she just talks too much”. No amount of lecture could change my desire to socialize constantly, but it was just a force that needed to be harnessed for good instead of evil. *Insert obligatory Star Wars reference here.*

It would be this raging sociability that would come to truly define and pave the course for what I wanted to do with my life. I knew before I left high school that I wanted to go into the fields of marketing and advertising in some capacity. I dreamed of that fast paced, interactive, creative, problem solving environment where you can see hard results, and constantly face new challenges and new opportunities. I still dream of that. And my whole life has been working towards achieving that dream.

I went to the University of Maryland for my undergraduate degree in American Studies with a minor in Communication. Only because I get asked very frequently, American Studies as an interdisciplinary field explores everyday cultures, as well as cultural constructions of identity and difference through the fields of critical theory, history, and literature. My love for socialization and people led me to want to learn how to successfully communicate, and how to navigate that communication within a complex social structure.

 I knew that an American Studies degree was probably not going to land me that marketing job of my dreams on its own, so I was aware graduate school was in my future from my freshman year of college.  Fortunately enough, this gave me ample time to work and save up. I have been working as a server since I was 18 years old. I have learned more about communicating succinctly, communicating with different types of people, overcoming communication barriers, and being a professional from working in restaurants more than any "professional" job or internship I have ever had. It is like the fast paced, problem solving, interactive work environment that I dream of, except instead of handling client’s accounts, I am handling people’s burgers. Same thing, right? Sort of. While I have horror stories that would make you cringe, my time in restaurants has been an invaluable gauntlet of training for my future in a professional marketing workforce.

It is the element of competition so present in the restaurant industry that fuels me as well. I love being responsible for myself, and knowing that the amount of effort that I put into my work is directly related to the outcome. It is this same mentality and love of competition that fuels me in the workplace. And, shocker, it’s also a huge element of my favorite hobbies. I play table tennis at least once a week and I’m pretty sure it is one of my favorite things ever (alongside things such as food, beer, and baseball). I have only been playing for a year and a half but everything has fallen second place in my heart to ping pong. My roommates and I also spend quite a bit of time playing board games, Settlers of Catan in particular.

Outdoor Table in Wyman Park= Stomping Ground

I know this bio seems very goal and work oriented in terms of who I am, but my goals and work ethic wouldn't exist without the people whom I love. My Mother and Father have been the greatest and most positive influences that anyone could ever hope for. They taught me what it is to work hard, stay positive, and be a loving and compassionate human. Then there is my boyfriend of 8 years. He keeps me so grounded, and acts as my confidant and sounding board in life.

And last, but not least, there are my two cats, Box and Cali. They don't do too much, but I guess you could call them my moral support, and distraction. They might dramatically impact my productivity levels, but they also dramatically impact my happiness, so I think I'll keep em'. I hope that this has given you all pause for thought, and some paws just because they're so darn cute.

Box helping me accomplish absolutely nothing

Cali helping me accomplish absolutely nothing

A New Place to Live

Nancy Tabor

I’m from Baltimore, Maryland and grew up in a suburban neighborhood with my family. Today, I live in Easton on the Eastern Shore. I recently got married and moved into a new home. My husband has lived here for many years and is well known. Before I moved, I didn’t know much about this historic town.

Some places I really love to go include:

1.     A pizza place, which is somewhat seedy but serves the best pizza in town. It's called Roberto's and all of the cops and sheriffs hang out there because Roberto's brother-in-law is on the force and Roberto doesn't hire convicts.

2.     The Avalon is my favorite place in Easton. It’s a small theatre that presents musical performances. We have seen many good performers there. It’s a throwback to another era.

3.     Captain’s Ketch Seafood is a town favorite for finding the freshest seafood, caught that morning.  American flags are everywhere here, in front of restaurants, businesses, homes; and I was struck by their patriotic signage, which introduces you to their colorful little roadside shack.

While I’m getting myself acclimated to the new life here, I am taking courses at Notre Dame to get a graduate degree in communications. Previously, I had taken a course in project management and photography. I found photography both fun and challenging because there’s always something new to see and explore in town and nearby. I wasn’t so good at the mechanics of the camera, the different settings and accessing my photos. after I saved them but by the end of the course it got a bit easier.

For a birthday gift, my husband gave me a book on a photographer I learned about in class who seemed to be very interesting. I heard her on NPR one day and found the interview to be fascinating. Her name is Sally Mann and she just wrote a memoir about her photographs and her life. I also got as a present a book of her photography and her images are captivating.

I am very thankful that I can take courses online because it gives me a way to interact with other students and the professor. I didn’t know much about blogging before signing up for this online course and its good to be able to learn online and make a new start with a new course. I want very much to do the right thing with this course as I haven't always done so before.

the patio

the patio

Insight to who I am? Well right now, all I can think of is a cigarette smoker – recovering.  I know that sounds horrifically small – but it is what it is for now. Yesterday afternoon, I smoked my last cigarette – so this morning is my first morning without a cigarette in just about 3 years and it sucks! As I began typing this blog, I looked out onto my patio and saw a dirty, wet cigarette butt and it actually made me want one – ewwww, how gross (pause) – that’s not true, I don’t actually think it’s gross – it caused a “stir” in my body, a yearning of sorts – nostalgia.

So rather that focus on the entirety of my life – I want to focus on my life since 2013. My apologies in advance, the task of writing this blog is exceedingly difficult because in this very moment I’m going through nicotine withdrawal – my thoughts are an uncharacteristically scattered and there’s sort of a foggy, shadow lingering in my mind.  My nose is running non-stop, my ears are ringing and I’m having a hard time swallowing due to the thick layer of phlegm coating my throat, what is worse, I just can’t seem to sit still and focus. This is going to be tough – I’m searching for the “right” word – nada! I’m digging for wit, some humor, again, nada! So, I decided to just be transparent, to give you what I got right now – raw.

I married a co-worker. In 2011, some seriously extenuating circumstances (Divine intervention)  led us to work together on an emergency assignment.  Up unitl then, we hadn’t noticed each other even though we were in the same department! Needless to say,  the assignment changed my life forever.  

One fateful night, we were sitting on our patio. He with a beer, myself with a cocktail. For some unknown, sh*tty reason (yes, the reason must have the stench and look of feces) I asked to have one of his cigarettes (I’m still baffled at my utter stupidity).  Right, so a bizarre moment, one in which I totally suspended all rational judgment, I decided that I wanted to try a cigarette. Wild moment, just wild. Why in the world at 39 would I decide to pick up a dangerous, arguably one of the most despicable habit’s on earth? I don’t know, but it went down on my patio.

So what makes me…me? What makes me tick? My passion? You tell me…

I absolutely love going to the driving range, indeed swinging a club and hitting a ball is a great stress reliever for me. The “ping” of the ball as the club makes contact instantly settles any anger I may hold. The moments leading up to the swing, the planting of my feet, you know, getting them just right. Rolling my shoulders, ensuring I’m completely relaxed and loose. Rotating my wrist and head circles. Oh yes, golf is a passion of mine. And you know what really makes it special? The drag of a cigarette, slow…slow, take time and inhale slow and watch the smoke slowly form a cloud around my dry, cracked lips. Slower now, savor the moment.

Indeed, I love golf.

Driving (without traffic) brings me unspeakable joy – as I child, my dad and I drove around aimlessly enjoying the ride, looking out the window and taking in the scenery. Now, I drive as a form of pleasure.  The window being my time machine, I search for buildings that I believe to have a story – old run down buildings surely if those walls could talk, would tell stories. Architectural unique homes, a century old church –and abandoned baseball field – all have stories and I love dreaming about their story, I like to envision of what once was and what will be. And you know what adds to the intensity of my pleasure drive?  The sound of the flickering of a lighter as I light the tip of a “fresh” cigarette. The initial inhale of smoke as my lungs expand to hold the smoke, the tapping of ashes out the car window as I allow my imagination to run wild with what could be.

I love driving.

I can’t think of anything else I spend more time on than reading. I read everything, from the random to the very specific.  That started with my mother.  As I child she would make me read the backs of cereal boxes during breakfast. What started out in childhood has carried on to adulthood. I read everything from billboards to menus – front and back.  You know what makes reading extra special? Sitting outside on a cozy bench on a warm sunny day. The air full of the smell of flowers and freshly cut grass ---- and a newly lit cigarette. Oh the joy of reaching in my pocket for a pack while holds a book in the other. The sweet sound of birds chirping and the sizzling sound of the paper burning as the cigarette get smaller.

Reading is what I desire.

Farmers market, flea markets, hand made gems – oh my! Strolling through an open market – of any kind really – is so much fun to me! I especially like homemade goods and quirky artifacts.  I spend hours on end wandering around open market places, it just never gets old. I ask myself questions about people’s extreme abilities, interests and motivation. I seem to enjoy it more now than during any other time in my life. The sheer appreciation I have while there can only be amplified while smoking a cigarette – what greater reward can there be than that of a swirling of smoke on my tongue as I gaze upon, in many instances, one-of-a-kind artwork, genuine, original expressions of oneself.  Inhale, exhale, inhale, and exhale….

An open markets is paradise.

As I write this, I’m sitting on the patio, thinking about all the things I love to do.

The Power of Courage by Allison Miller

I love the power of words.

I still journal by hand and create many drafts of my business communications with pen and paper as I am a strong believer that sorting through words on paper has a power all its own.

When I was a freshman in high school, my history teacher asked us to read The Red Badge of Courage and write a book report.

I read the book (sorta) but used Cliff Notes to help me gain a better understanding of the themes and metaphors because I was told in the fourth grade that I was hopelessly inept at reading comprehension.

That prognostication still lives with me.

Evidence of the power of words, particularly on the young.

I formulated my own perspective of The Red Badge of Courage by reading other people’s interpretations and crafted my book report.

It was flawless.

A bit too flawless, however, because my teacher asked me if I’d plagiarized another book report.

I was mortified and petrified, earned an 85 (a perfect score of 100 minus 15 points for using Cliff Notes), and made a life-changing discovery.

I learned that I had the ability to read and listen to other’s perspectives and articulate an amalgamation of their thoughts along with my own beautifully.

Although my innate writing ability has enabled me to craft a career doing something I enjoy, I long to develop a voice that is clear, crisp, and concise, as well as a keen understanding of how to use and measure the impact of the Internet and social media in business, public relations, and marketing when it comes to words.

So I practice.

On paper.

Beyond my “day job”, my passion is to share my story of triumph as a domestic abuse “thrivor” – not just survivor - to encourage, inspire, and empower. I am not only compelled to support other “thrivors” but to tell those in the legal and judicial system of the emotional, psychological, and financial vulnerability women face when we take a stand to end the cycle of domestic violence and courageously (that word again) create a new and better life. Learning to craft an impactful message in this endeavor is not only necessary but critical in order for me to become an effective advocate. I know it is my purpose.

I long to be of service to others, particularly women, as I think we have a unique struggle to find our voices and stand in our truth.

I also needed to model this desire to my amazing daughter – the impetus for me reaching within to find the courage to create a new and better life.

And ironically, according to Mark W. Schaefer and Stanford A. Smith, the authors of Born to Blog, that appears to be what blogging is all about.

Schaefer and Smith offer a marvelous approach to finding our authentic voice in the world and the courage to speak it boldly. It mirrors my journey in life and in the boldness required to become an entrepreneur:

• Be comfortable being vulnerable.
• Speak your truth.
• Try - you don't have to know everything to start.

Much like out case study Katie in Born to Blog, we not only owe it to our readers but to the world to be our full authentic selves out loud.

I am hoping that my 50 years on this planet will help others arrive at a place of poise and power much sooner than I did, whether it’s through my writing, my presence, my participation, or my professional footprint.

So perhaps you can take a few of the inspirational words I’ve gathered along to power your own pursuits.

It is our responsibility to fulfill the reason we were born.

The world is waiting on us to fill a place no one else can fill.

It’s not arrogance or demagoguery but our obligation to the Creator.

Somewhere someone is looking for exactly what we have to offer so let’s get to it.

Courageously.

A Dream and a Bit of Luck

When I was little, my dad used to write children’s stories about me and my older sister, Abby. They were incredibly clever, funny, and unlike all other children’s books, there was no poignant moral at the end. The point was to make us laugh, which they always did and still do.

Two of my favorites are Doctor Tess and Abby & Tess Get Lost in Dundalk. Doctor Tess was about me and my Fisher Price Doctor’s Kit from the 80’s. Abby & Tess Get Lost in Dundalk is about a kite flying experience gone wrong. When the wind picks up, our kite flies Abby and I to Dundalk where we try to figure out how to get home. Hijinks ensue. We loved it!

My Doctor's Kit. From the Fisher Price Vintage Pintrest Page. 

We thought our dad was the coolest for writing such amazing pieces of literature. And so, at the age of five, I decided I wanted to be like my dad and write stories. I told anyone who would listen, “I’m going to be a famous writer when I grow up!” I even had my Kindergarten best friend lined up to be my illustrator. I was committed.

I wrote about anything and everything. But given how young I was the stories were about 5 sentences long. And frankly, not very good. I was working to perfect my craft.

One story in particular has lived on through Barnett Family lore. It was called The Beach and it was based on true events - my first Non-Fiction! We had gone to Dewey Beach for our annual week vacation. We arrived a few days after a hurricane had done a good bit of damage to the area and I can still remember walking along the sand looking at torn up houses. Miraculously, the condo my parents had rented was unscathed. The inside, however, was another story. After the previous renters had left, the cleaning company had not come to prepare for our arrival. It was a mess. Left overs were still in the fridge, the bathroom was not cleaned...it was pretty bad. My mom was devastated. She looked forward to vacation specifically because she did not have to clean.

So, when we got home, I wrote the story of our trip and the first sentence was:

When we get thar it was dratty.

Translation to English: When we got there it was dirty. 

I don’t believe my family has used the word “dirty” in the 25 years since...we now only say “dratty.” Evidently, all the Phonics I was learning had not sunk in, yet. And this is a terrible opening line!

It was somewhere around this time I realized I didn’t have the chops to be a writer. I let go of that dream and decided I would be a teacher instead. Then I decided I was going to be a nurse, then a florist, then a Physical Therapy Assistant, then a teacher (again), then I was going to open a bakery, then I wanted to be a Health Care Administrator.

Then, at the age of 29, I got a job in marketing. To be honest, it was simply a lucky break. I knew someone who knew the hiring manager. I had nearly no experience in the field, they took a gamble and hired me. It’s been a really fun three years and I think I found my professional calling. Interestingly, I spend most of my time writing. I write a bi-monthly article for a local magazine to help advertise and I write and edit all of our promotional material.

I suppose the moral of this story is that even if you let go of your dream, it still might come true! The other moral is to look over your work at least once in hopes of catching errors like, “dratty.”

The Barnett Family, the renowned author front & center.

A golden girl learns the secrets of alchemy

Thomas Wijck (1616-1677) Alchemist

In my high school yearbook, The Keough Current, I was voted most likely to become an alchemist.  Alchemy is a medieval practice that was based on the supposed magical transformation of matter, particularly turning lead into gold, but if you have ever read the book The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, you know that alchemy can also be a metaphor for transformation.  The protagonist in Coelho's story is Santiago, a shepherd who finds self-empowerment as he follows a seemingly impossible dream.  The yearbook editor’s prediction was right - I am now a golden girl in the image of Dorothy, Rose, Blanche and Sophia.  Yes, I will admit I am old - so old in fact that when a friend posted on Facebook to comment with a dog’s name that did not have the letter “a” in it, I replied with Rin-Tin-Tin.  But being a Baby Boomer is not the only thing that makes me a golden girl because I tend to disassociate my true age from my perceived one. I have learned that to be truly golden, it is necessary to understand that positive change comes from truly knowing yourself.  After much hesitation and soul-searching, I finally unlocked the profound secrets of alchemy as a fifty-something and decided to pursue my dream of earning a college degree.

So in 2009, more than thirty-five years after graduating from high school, I attended a First Thursday information session and enrolled in NDMU’s CAUS program (College of Adult Undergraduate Studies).   When my grown children asked me why I was returning to school at my age, I replied “So you can put BA on my tombstone”  and I graduated in 2012 with a bachelor’s  degree in Liberal Studies.  When I decided to continue my education with a Master’s degree in Contemporary Communications, my younger son quipped, “You really don’t need to get an MA because we were always going to put ‘Ma’ on your tombstone.”   I do think he is proud of my achievements though – he refers to me as “Smarty-pants”.  I guess it takes one to know one, right?

The truth is that I returned to school for personal fulfillment rather than for career advancement.  I had always dreamed of earning my college degree but circumstances forced me to defer that dream when I was younger.  I am the oldest of four siblings and can remember how my parents would introduce us. They would say “This is our daughter Karen.  She’s a nurse.  This is our son Ed.  He’s a teacher.  This is our son Scott.  He is a computer programmer.  And this is Denise, our oldest.”  No noteworthy tag line for me.  I don’t think they did this to intentionally make me feel bad – in fact, I don’t even know if they were aware that they did it at all.  A degree became a symbol of validation and credibility to me but sadly my parents did not live long enough to see me earn one. 

When I was a young woman, I was always looking forward to something new and exciting and I realized that I missed that feeling of anticipation.  As I have discovered, continuing to pursue my dreams is part of the secret to staying young.  Lisa is a blogger who commented on Huffington Post’s Generation Fabulous, a website that provides a forum for post-fifty women. She wrote:

"The feeling of youth is that vibration, a heady mixture of fear, thrill and adventure that ran through our bodies and minds when we were young. We experience it when we don’t know what will come next in some element of our lives.”  - Lisa on Grown and Flown

 I don’t know what new experiences to expect after I graduate in May but I’m enthusiastically looking forward to whatever comes along.   I have successfully fulfilled my dream and discovered wisdom as well as knowledge in the process.  In the tradition of a true alchemist, I have turned base metal into gold.

The WanderFull Life

Hanauma Bay, Hawaii 

Let’s say I never imagined myself to be where I am at merely 26 years old. World traveler, event planner, and a fierce adventurer loving the simple things in life. Looking back, I grew up in a town in Georgia called Peachtree City. It was the new town on the block, instead of cars we drove golf carts, literal golf carts, EVERYWHERE. We were very much the “ish”, or so we thought. In reality, this place was and still is an absolute bubble. A bubble that I love but like all other bubbles it has its issues.

I grew up one of seven siblings but was blessed with a childhood beyond measure. I was raised by parents who very much instilled a dream big and chase hard mentality. I was a headstrong child giving my parents a run for their money and I am a head strong adult still giving my parents a run for their money. But, the greatest thing they could have ever taught me was how to have faith in Jesus and to always remain humble.

The bubble popped for me when I decided to head up the east coast to attend college. Unlike some of my fellow graduates I wanted to discover life way outside the bubble. Landing at Salisbury University I had no idea what I was in for. Never visiting the University prior to orientation I took a huge risk. That risk ended up being the greatest reward of my life.

Can't you tell by the excitement? 

I met some of the best and some of the worst friends I could ever meet at this University. I had my first major heartbreak and I failed my first class. I switched my major about 450 times and cried equally as much about my “hard” college life. All the things of a typical college student but I was all about SU and I will forever cherish my college memories.

I became employed by the Student University Center my second semester of freshman year and this became the moment I will never forget. Brian Lind and Austin Hayes are two names that will forever mean the world to me. They changed my life for the better. I don’t know that they know how much they mean to me but it’s a lot. I had not a single clue of the direction I wanted to go in in life and I let them know that about 3000 times each. I cried with them, laughed with them, and discovered myself with them.

Salisbury University,
Guerrieri University Center

To them, I might have been just an employee, but to me, they were my inspiration. They had a level of professionalism and drive I really learned from. I made mistakes and got corrected but most importantly I got supported and rewarded for the things I was doing right. And even more important than that, they saw something in me and they simply just gave me a chance.

This chance opened every door to my current career and I could not be more thankful for that.  Growing up I was insecure about how strong willed and determined I was and how much I wanted but didn’t know how to be a leader. Discovering myself in that as a child was difficult. But, at this job known to them or not, they taught me how to take that drive and apply it in a professional manner. They provided me with leadership experience and really taught me firsthand about the real world.

So here I am almost 4 years later my first “real” job as an event specialist thinking back about the journey to this point. All of those experiences both good and bad taught me the true meaning of living life to the fullest and taking one day at a time. For me, living life to the fullest means chasing my dreams- personal and career wise, traveling as much as humanly and financially possible, and opting to go on every adventure I come across. Big or small I set a dream and I determine to chase it. And one day, I hope as Brian and Austin did for me, I hope to turn around and help someone else chase and reach their dreams. And that passion is what drives me in life. My only hope for all is that they have a wanderfull life filled with lots of cool experiences.