Pohler Opposites

Warm pies cooling on the counter and the evening dinner simmering on the stove, while the days soap operas played in the background. My mother was a little June Cleaver and a little Peg Bundy. She was my only example of what a mother should be and I never needed more until I lost her. Once she was gone and I became a mother myself; I quickly began looking for some guide of "how to parent". It all seemed very textbook except that it never quite worked for me. I was never any good at a scheduled day and proper bedtimes. I let my children show me when they needed to sleep and we often ate on a nonexistent schedule. I spent many moments thinking about all the things I was doing wrong but never considered I was doing anything right. I wanted to be June Cleaver but I felt more like Marge Simpson. I took comfort in the fact that I wasn't Peg Bundy. I had this idea in my head about what family life and parenting was supposed to be and then I had the reality of what it was and that is what I call "Pohler opposites".

There are a ton of books out there about how to parent according to the experts. Some of which do not even have children but they have studied a lot of them. Of course you don't have any desire to read books like that until after you have children and by then you don't have time. Then there are some people who get it, they really get it! Like Sara Given who wrote the book, "Parenting is Easy:You're Probably Just Doing it Wrong".  She reminds us that it is ok to be our own normal and not a textbook example because those are almost unattainable anyway. Sara references the "white couch" a few times and I think any real parent knows what this is referring to. It is the white couch so often pictured in these photos of parents and children (usually a toddler with some item that would cause a mess no matter the couch color) sitting on a pristine white couch and looking quite normal and relaxed. Yeah right! Not in the real world!

My sofa was a hand me down from 11 years ago and has a slipcover that spends more time on the floor than the sofa. I used to care and to some degree still do but the truth is...sitting on that messy sofa covered in laundry that needs to be put away and toys that don't ever get put where they belong is a happy kid. A happy kid that is kind and polite and funny and mine. Yes! Mine! I have managed to raise happy healthy well adjusted children and I didn't follow one how to book. Maybe I should write one but honestly I don't have any idea what I am doing. Each one of them is different and has needed different parenting tactics. I adapt my parenting to the kid I am parenting and to what they need. I know some people look at the way I am with my kids and think, "she is doing this all wrong" but I beg to differ.I don't claim to be perfect but I am good enough. I can't be June or Peg or even my mom because I am not raising their kids I am raising my own. I am proud to be the parent of a dramatic, sensitive athlete, and a creative, original self proclaimed nerd, and a funny video game playing blue eyed charmer. They define me and my parenting style not a book or a list, just them. Long gone are the days of comparing myself to other parents and making myself feel like I am not good enough. I use my children to measure my success.